Newsletter #51: Writing as if no-one's reading

Image: Charisse Kenion

FYI: this is a very stream of consciousness newsletter. Let me know if you can relate!

Ever feel like you’re weighed down by thoughts and tasks but unable to actually do them? It’s like this weird itchy feeling. You want to do all the things but at the same time you’d rather go back to bed once you’ve done your morning routine of social/coffee/movement - whatever’s applicable to you.

Work that pays the bills always gets done because who wants to add being broke to the list? But once that’s done it’s a rollercoaster ride through, ‘wow if I put energy into this project today and the next 10 days it could be epic. Damn I’m so grateful I can do this sh*t’, via ‘but actually I don’t want to and I’m feeling sad/unseen/ugly/unremarkable anyway so what’s the point?’

This up and down, black or white, this or that vibe is something that only recently I’m learning to accept. It is OKAY to feel sadness even though it’s only 10am! It’s OKAY for that to switch to feeling hopeful a few hours later. Somewhere along the way somebody told us we can only be one thing at one time and actually, you really should decide what you are and stick with that script. So if you’re depressed, cool, that’s your story and no-one should ever ask you how you’re doing today. If you’re a ‘positive vibes only’ type then cool, that’s your story and no-one should ever ask you how you’re really feeling. But sticking with this one story rule means we end up feeling rigid and stuck. That’s when the fidgeting starts because instead we could be saying, ‘I’m feeling a bit sad’ rather than making a statement: ‘I AM SAD.’

The whole reason for this free-roaming newsletter is Dr Susan David, an award-winning pyschologist who recently appeared on Lewis Howes’ School of Greatness podcast. The Doctor focused on the concept of emotional agility; literally being able to move around and through our emotions, rather than succumbing to them and feeling like there’s no way out. This episode really blew my mind and got me through one of the busiest weeks of my life. It reminded me that it’s not about just ‘staying positive’ - it’s more about managing myself and my emotions. Listen to the full episode here:

Moving this concept on a little; while we’re often self-absorbed in our emotions, pretty much everyone else is going through the same thing. What I’m trying to say is: no-one cares.

I don’t mean that no-one loves you.

I mean:

no-one matters and we ALL matter -

so, get on with your day, do the things you want to do, because that is what everyone else is doing.

I’m aware that might come across a little messy because, well, I’m currently writing a couple of podcast scripts, but I truly hope you get it. It’s not about being selfish, it’s about not being self-conscious. Although ‘nobody cares’ is a much-referenced quote from 1993 movie A Bronx Tale, recently it popped up again on a YouTube channel I’ve been loving called Friends & Family. The channel is all about staying creative and individual and while it mostly focuses on musical pioneers old and current, it goes way beyond music and is a must-watch for any creative.

In a recent episode the anonymous host kept using this phrase: ‘performing for no-one’.

He said that literally anyone you admire, in any film, any genre of music originally performed for no-one. Much-imitated artists such as Jean Michel Basquiat did not create their first paintings to be shown in the Louvre; he painted for no-one but himself. Kendrick Lamar might have written his first bars to be heard by someone but initially, he performed for no-one. He was his only critic, his only fan and his only motivation. The work would not get done without him.

So this short message is for YOU; create for YOU. Do it for YOU. You could be gone tomorrow - do it now, even if you feel awkward AF or are worried about your friends or family thinking you’re weird or undeserving. There is no one else quite like you and there never will be again.

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