Like, wtf is happening right now?

I look like a calm, regular person, right?

Anyone else just been in a weird funk lately?

Last weekend I think I may have felt every single emotion under the sun. Literally. Over the course of 48 hours I’m sure, at some points, I had my husband wondering if he should get help. I don’t know about you, but if and when I get into a funk of such major proportions, my imagination really comes into its own. A squabble with the man becomes therapy which of course leads to divorce; seeing a new spot in the mirror means I am condemned to a life of ugliness and looking down when strangers approach. And someone asking if I’m okay is rewarded with a deluge of Reasons I Am Not Okay. Any other day, when I might be feeling a little bit down, antsy etc, I can logically accept those feelings, indulge myself if necessary for an hour or two, and then easily move along.

But last weekend’s feelings weren’t about to budge, no matter what mantras or inspiring quotes I read, or how lovely and sensitively my husband treated me. The fact that I felt so bad was only made worse because I was examining how mad I was about feeling so bad. Still with me?

There is a season for everything. Instead of comparing yourself to others, to where you once were, or to where you think you should be, start where you're at. Today the Sun is square to Saturn (☉◻︎♄) and it's heavy, but it can also be motivating to do the work - whatever that means for you in the here and now. The images in this video are of @uzumaki.gallery and her delicious work (give her a follow!), and the audio is from our reading on episode 67 of my weekly show, @ghostofapodcast. There power in vulnerability and catharsis in creation. This is a truly moving episode that you don't want to miss. Link/bio & listen wherever podcasts are heard ✨🔥.

1,277 Likes, 39 Comments - Jessica Lanyadoo (@jessica_lanyadoo) on Instagram: "There is a season for everything. Instead of comparing yourself to others, to where you once were,..."

Somehow, I got through the weekend, thanks to duvets on the couch and bingeing on Succession and just trying to be at peace. On Monday I went to the gym - my go-to whenever I’m feeling rusty, rough or moody. As the endorphins kicked in, I started to enjoy my workout, and as the sun appeared on my walk home back from the gym, again, I started to feel better. When I got home I enjoyed the feeling of a hot, steamy shower, complete with my favourite Rituals foaming shower gel. I welcomed the feeling of soft, freshly washed clothes on my body and felt ready for that morning’s podcast recording. After the podcast I felt even better, it was such a fun chat with The Hair Historian, until I realised I was Back On The Other Side again.

Of course, that meant that it was finally time for me to analyse what exactly had happened to me; below are a few suggestions.

#1 It’s SAD
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is something that many of us suffer with, often without putting a name to it. I have several friends who have dealt with it their whole lives, the effects often ebbing and flowing dependant on what else might be happening in their world. Simply put, once Autumn comes around you might feel like you’re seriously lacking in energy, and your mood is often low.

#2 Hormones are a bitch
Yep, while this tempest was making its way through my body, I was also on my period, which brings with it its own intricacies, such as tears for no reason, epic spots along the jawline and wanting to eat pasta and chocolate all day long - oh and no sex. Also, at this time, I don’t often feel like going to the gym, which definitely affects levels of serotonin and other feel-good stuff within my system.

#3 Stress is a killer
I’m currently working for a couple of online magazines, have my own content creation clients, have my own podcast and am working on my photo exhibition FaceTime, happening in December. Duh, I’ve got a lot on, and that’s gonna affect my mood! Why didn't I think of this before?

#4 Full Moon ish
I am sorely lacking in education when it comes to planets, horoscopes and shit, but, two of my friends, and also my fave online astrologer @Jessica_lanyadoo, brought up the fact that October 13th was a Full Moon in Aries. Apparently that meant that it was time for some crazy toxic shit to be unearthed. Says Jessica on her Instagram post for that day:

Look at your attachments, and be honest with yourself about whether they’re serving you or holding you back. During the Full Moon, Pluto will form a really tight square to both the Sun and Moon, creating a compulsive and driving feeling. This can be the push you need for creatively transforming your approach to things, or it can find you in the throws [sic] of a major destructive meltdown.

Interesting, right?
Who knows if it was all of the above or if I’m completely talking nonsense, but it feels good to be able to look back and think, ‘what the f*** happened?’

A final thought, from the wonderful mind of author Alex Elle: “Peace is not always easy to grasp or keep close. In the process of attaining and protecting it, you may find yourself tired, weary, and uncertain on how to keep your peace safe. While being uncertain is normal, continue to commit yourself to peacefulness. You are worthy of every drop of sweetness and ease that you encounter. Being tested is a part of the journey. Giving up, and letting go, is not.”

How do you cope with moments of feeling out of depth, or do you suffer with SAD on the regular? If so, how do you deal with it?

Someone might need this today. I know I've needed it on more than a few occasions. I think it's important to note that removing the shame that comes along with being/feeling broken is important. There's nothing to be ashamed about. As humans, we aren't indestructible. You can be positive and happy and still have moments of defeat. What I am constantly learning is that grace and lessons are often found muddled under the mess. Re-building is okay. Starting over is just fine. When you get knocked down, take a breather, do what you need to do to collect yourself, then get back up. It's challenging, yes, but mending wasn't meant to be easy. Trust yourself. You got this-even when it feels like all hell has broken loose. . . Community: How/what are you working to re-build in your life?

24.7k Likes, 218 Comments - alexandra elle (@alex_elle) on Instagram: "Someone might need this today. I know I've needed it on more than a few occasions. I think it's..."