Bad Boys versus Nice Guys

While I mention the BF from time to time in my travel blogs, I've never, ever written about our relationship, mostly because, why would anyone want to read it?

Me and him in LA earlier this year.

Last week I was reminded about the concept of 'Nice Guys versus Bad Boys', whilst talking with an old friend. She hasn't met the BF (she lives in Dubai) but from what she's seen and heard, she thinks he is a genuinely good guy. She added that I'd always been into Bad Boys, and I was taken aback for a minute. During my time in Dubai (two and a half years) the guys I dated came firmly within the Dickhead category; I didn't see them as Bad Boys, just plain bad. 

What she said got my thinking; I've never considered myself as someone who wanted a Bad Boy; I mean, I have friends who absolutely go for 'that type' (you know who you are). But I've come to realise that Dickheads were indeed my version of the Bad Boy; they couldn't commit to anything more than a drink, let alone a text conversation or anything more permanent. But in retrospect, they were just being them, right? In a way I feel it reflects more on me; I simply don't think I was ready for any type of goodness at that time. Them being Dickheads meant that I didn't have to commit either.

I'd been in a relationship for almost eight years when I left for Dubai - the last time I saw that ex was just before I got on the plane to Dubai (long story). The last couple of years of that relationship consisted of weird/strange/horrible behaviour that left me thoroughly unprepared for anything remotely good. So it's no surprise that my time in Dubai was a bloody mess. I put myself in a fair few awkward/upsetting/embarrassing situations and somehow managed to gather myself back together each time. It's like I had to really rattle my guts if I was ever going to have even the faintest chance of recognising something truly good.

When I first started seeing Daniel (that's the BF) I remember meeting one of his female friends. She told me she could never date Daniel, because he was 'too nice'. Maybe a small part of me could identify with what she said, but the majority of my brain that had taken onboard the lessons I had learned just thought, 'poor cow'. Later on she would continue on her own journey; for her, Bad Boys were exciting. They just weren't as exciting when they couldn't be arsed to turn up at her 30th birthday dinner, or forgot to tell her that the mother of their child was still very much in the picture. 

I don't want what I've just said to come across as bitchy; I'm just saying that I think I've learned my lessons, and I wish she and many more women like her would learn theirs. Bad Boys will break your heart and have you listening to playlists of 'your' songs at 2am; they'll tempt you back with a simple text and have you thinking that 'this might be IT'. But just when you get a tiny bit comfortable (you'll never be fully comfortable with a Bad Boy) they disappear.

But let's head back to the Nice Guy, or the Good Guy (I prefer Good). I'm not talking about a guy who panders to your every whim, agrees with your every opinion and ditches all his mates for you. When I say good I mean:

Someone who makes you feel like you can be the real you. Physically, mentally and emotionally.
Someone who encourages you to laugh at yourself, without taking the piss out of you in a shitty way.
Someone who will hold your hand - if you want it to be held - and won't, if you don't.
Someone who wants you to meet their friends/family ASAP. Not because they give a hoot what the friends and family think, just because.
Someone who respects your wants and needs, but won't let you walk all over them in the process.

Being nice and good doesn't mean boring and bland, but if that's what those things mean to you, maybe you should start being nice to yourself first, and see what happens.